I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
