One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
