why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
