We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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