Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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