How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
