i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
