I am midnight drunk by noon
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
