talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
