What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
