a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
