At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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