we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
