Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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