turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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