I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
