I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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