just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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