I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
