I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
