Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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