Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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