We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
