haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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