Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
