I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this boner is exhausting
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
