I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
