I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
