i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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