alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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