Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
