1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
