Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
