just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
