Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
