So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
