He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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