You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
