and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
