Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
