I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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