You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
