My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
