I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
