i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
