we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
