Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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