She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
