Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
