well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
