seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
