It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
