My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
